I never thought I'd be a mother. Hell, I never thought I'd get married! Here I am. Here we are. This shit is hard and it's so wonderful and it fills me up to the brim. Sometimes that feels exactly right and other times it feels like I'm lost. I'm 38. I've never cared much about getting older but I think having kids starts a clock, a new one. How much time do I have left with these beautiful human beings we just created? How much time do I get to see their faces and hold their hands and kiss them and play with them? Raising children seems like it will be the most important thing I will ever do in my life. I understand why people say that now. And yet, I also feel lost in the abyss of motherhood and long for my body back, my space, my thoughts, my career and my relationship with my husband. This thing called motherhood/parenthood is not for the weak. We'll make it, whatever IT is, all of us. We'll be ok. It doesn't always feel like we'll be ok, b